Monday, December 27, 2010

My True Love Gave To Me: A Vacuum????

My Dad has wised up.
I remember seeing big wrapped boxes for my mom under the tree.
 Having Major Kid Wonder.
A Treasure had to be in a box that big, right? Well, sadly, inside that box with so much
Kid Potential was usually 
An Appliance.
A toaster oven, an iron, a cooking pot,
or a vacuum.
This all too frequent phenomenon is experienced every Christmas by all too many women.
And this must be stopped.
My Christmas card this year was inspired by this horrible trend.
I started with an image from
a wonderful book:
"Men's Adventure Magazines in Post War America".
I used Bernie Berlin's Never-Dull technique,
from my favorite how-to book
"Artist Trading Card Workshop."
That book is the shiznitz.
I neglected to scan the original bad.
 I followed Bernie's instructions and got this:

Too Cool and Way Too Much Fun.
Next the search was on for the perfect vintage image...

This one is good....but not exactly what I had in my mind....too 70's...not old enuf.. this is more like it....but maybe not perfect...

Eureka!! This one is perfect! OOPS!
I meant Hoover!!
This one has great text!
The next steps involve
really FOUL language and
an over indulgence of alcohol.
Trying to teach yourself Photoshop
 is like being on a blind date.
 So many layers to learn, each one more frightening than the last...

This is not exactly what I pictured in my mind. But it can only go up from here.
In Conclusion, this card is dedicated to all women all over the world who
have suffered the agony of opening
a wrapped appliance on Christmas Morn.
And my Mom?
Well, since my Dad wised up
she is sporting her favorite appliance of all!
Diamond Jewelry.
PS. Robin, from A Robin's Nest: I lost your address. Email me! I would like to send you a tardy card!!
Marsha: Thank you for your loverly card! I lost your address also and was having hives and shortness of breath over it. Thank God, you sent me your card, or I do believe I would be hospitalized right now.
Can't Wait To Catch Up.
You are my favorite Maker of Magic.
I told you to stop looking. You never listen to me. I don't know where your card is. It said some REALLY funny stuff in it. I mean like stand up comedian worthy. I hope you get it some day.
Cuz I think I peaked on that card.Love You.


  1. love the card- and i am a loser for not saying so earlier! and a double loser for not sending cards this year. merry christmas! can't wait to see some of the caulk results-

  2. This card SOOOOOO rocks!!! I mean, even my DH thought it was great!
    Proudly displayed in the studio, where I can be reminded of the evils of vacuuming and that I don't have cleavage like that...*sigh*


  3. Sooooo happy to be a recipient of this fab-u-lous card! This card will be one I display year-round *smiles*

    When I saw the vacuum cleaner and the word Hoover I actually laughed out loud because people always laugh at me when I tell them I moved from Indiana to California on a Greyhound bus with my Hoover and one piece of luggage! Yep, I couldn't leave home without my Hoover *hee hee*

  4. The card is frame worthy girlfriend. I don't know what you are afraid of with photoshop, you make it look so easy. Thanks for thinking of me Susan, you are just too kind.

    love, paula beth

  5. (looks down...contemplates what the following says about self...)

    said by me to fiance' on Christmas afternoon: "I wish I'd asked for a shop vac for Christmas."

    My 10 yr old shop vac recently bit the dust. We have a Siberian Husky and a Malamute - both are 'house dogs', and I live and work on a cattle ranch, therefore Shop Vac'ing before vacuuming is a necessity.
    All of which made me laugh out loud when I read this post.

    but I still wish I'd asked for a new shop vac for Christmas.

    Happy New Year to everyone!

  6. Best Christmas cards ever! super sense of humor girl.